Sunday, 21 November 2010

it's alright, i didn't need to breathe anyway. your sheer ignorance and immature mind has forced me to feel like i'm liking something that shouldn't even exist. you have hurt me and you don't know anything about me fuck i don't even know anything about you. do i even care about you? i dont think i do. i think i just want to be loved so badly i will jump at the chance for any form of affection but i can't help but feel used; i feel as dirty as your head. i don't feel like a person anymore hell i don't think i even classify as one. you're right i am a robot except i do have feelings and you tore them to fucking shreds without even realizing. am i a monster? am i something out of a novel? have i been torn and ripped apart? am i that worthless? what is left of me now? bones and a mess of red hair. bones. i don't even think i have a heart left. i don't even understand how i'm still breathing. it's alright, i didn't need to breathe anyway.

Sunday, 10 October 2010


cause i just found this written down somewhere in one of my books and well, i want her to see it.

"why are you such a good person? fuck you just there and listened every time i was being a self indulgent cunt and you were so happy to let me go on and on. the thing is i knew you understood what ever i said, cause i swear you knew me way better than i ever could. we both know i pushed you away every chance i could but you stayed and you never left. you were, sorry i mean are, the only person that has stuck around. you accept me (the jumble of faults that i am) and still love me anyway. i can't believe i have taken you for granted for so long? fuck, why did you let me take you for granted so much?"

anyway, i know you read this blog and i just want you to know that i miss you and love you and i will thank you one day. when i have enough balls to.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010


is something i wish i never have to deal with again.

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Sunday, 19 September 2010

that's all for today.

Wednesday, 15 September 2010


why don't people ever turn out how you want them to?

Monday, 6 September 2010


i'm leaving all of this in your capable hands this time


Here's a list of things I'm liking in my life:

- Juliet Price and Hannah Mcmillan pretty much living at my house.
- Catching up with old friends
- Bananas and transformers
- These college necklace things we've got going on
- My lack of interest in relationships
- My teddy bear
- My hair (it's gone fantastically gingerish)
- And finally, sex and the city.

there's a much bigger list of bad things but i don't think i should look at them because THAT'S WHAT MAKES PEOPLE SAD. and i don't wanna be one of those sad kids who indulge in their own self repulsion thank you very much.

Sunday, 5 September 2010

Friday, 3 September 2010


so i have a lump in my throat and it won't go. i just realised that i will not see you ever again and, well, fuck, basically.

Friday, 27 August 2010




People moan about how shit their lives are a hell of a lot, don't they? Like, when you're chatting to someone you either are hearing about their 'emotional baggage' or about how awful their lives are at that particular moment because the toast burnt that morning and it started raining at the bus stop. It honestly bores the shit out of me. I want to have a conversation with someone about something that's entirely ridiculous, or captivating, or just plain bullshit. I don't know. I'm waiting for someone to show me that they're worth me changing for, I guess.

P.S srsly stop wearing so much topshop you look like kate gash and that's never a good thing

Thursday, 26 August 2010


So I've deleted tumblr and decided to come crawling back to blogger - tumblr was over crowded and full of people that simply bored me. So it's back to writing meaningless and uneducated rants and hoping that somebody, somewhere, agrees with what I say.

I've just been on holiday to Deia, and it was absolutely incredible. I've been having a lot of these moments recently, where I'm just estatically happy with the people I'm with the and the places I am and I compare it back to the dull days of Winchester and have realised that I cannot wait to get out.

But this proposes a problem; just exactly how am I meant to get out? This is where actually doing my college work comes in, stopping smoking, one night out a week, THE LOT. I've finally sorted out my priorities - and hopefully this way I won't be such a royal fuck up within the social aspect of my life. Fingers crossed, eh?

So if you're one of the few that don't hate me at this point of my life, hello and welcome to me. I'm off to go pee and various other things, I may have a bath but that's pushing it. I still have the spanish and aeroplane smell on me. Beautiful. By the way when I travel the world Deia is going to be my first stop, come with me?

Saturday, 19 June 2010

if you're bored already

just say, so i can stop feeling like such a fucking inconvenience.

(i know i'm not what you signed up for)

Monday, 14 June 2010

so you sit up in bed and hear nothing but rain

and think about how your heart's wasting oxygen

Sunday, 13 June 2010

oh, and also

if i could blow out a candle and make one wish, it would be for us to be okay again. i really am truly sorry for all of my actions, my mistakes, my leading you on, and most of all making you feel something i promised myself i wouldn't let anyone ever have to feel. you need to realise this, before any real friendship can be reformed. i hope to god you read this and forgive me. but don't worry, i'm not expecting you to forget.


yes, it seems like i am having a new beginning ever hour these days, but this time it is for real. i am entirely happy, in myself. i don't know where i am going and this is one of the first times i've been okay with that fact, not having a plan i think is going to be good for me. i've realised a few things the past couple of months.

1. i've realised that no one is really original with their own thoughts or feelings, every one is just human and following some form of trend or something of the sort. so it's time for me to stop building people up into people they are not - it only destroys the friendships i make.

2. i have realised i am taking things way too seriously, and investing too much into things that normally wouldn't take a second thought. i still want to care about things obviously, but sometimes it is good caring a little less.

3. i am all too aware of peoples faults as well as my own. time to start focusing on the positive aspects of life. like tea, or weekends like this.

4. i've been neglecting the friends that are the ones who are going to be there when it comes down to it. i am sorry for that, as of now i am going to be making more effort. i just needed to sort out my head before i let you guys have a look in.

5. i need to start applying myself, if i want to get anywhere only i can make that happen - it's time to start networking and understanding that i can actually do things. ye of little faith.

this time next year i hope to be getting far with everything, have good grades and good attendance, solid friendships and feel as happy as i do now. the start of A2 = the new beginning we've all been craving.

Friday, 11 June 2010

Thursday, 10 June 2010


Could somebody give me a decent film to watch? I don't know what to do with myself tonight. I'm quite lonely.

Wednesday, 9 June 2010


decided i actually like this one so i'm staying. i just watched the first episode of the last big brother (i know i'm so mainstream it hurts), and i only just realised it abolished all my future dreams of going on that show. i am deeply upset. so i'm compensating my lack of appearance on a reality tv show with eating mini rolls. i kinda prefer the mini rolls.

anyway, today i have decided i've really missed having a life. even though i would prefer a life without certain aspects involved in it, but hey, beggers can't be choosers right? i have realised every body has got themselves into a rut recently and it's bloody well stupid - people are worried because we all have no fucking direction at the moment but do you know what? I DON'T CARE. i'm sick to the back AND front teeth of thinking about my 'future' and 'where i'm going'. right now, quite frankly, i'd be happy to sit here for the rest of my life pigging out on junk food and tea.

so basically this is a message to all the people who are losing themselves right now: be normal, stop fucking up, and realise i love you, and we need to all buck our ideas up if we're going to get through the next year happy. so stop wallowing in your own self pity, grow some hefty balls AND MAN THE FUCK UP!


p.s i don't like your blog

Monday, 7 June 2010


i'm going to find something to fulfill my life and that be not a blog, sozza guys. deleted my tumblr too. BYEEEEEEEE

Sunday, 6 June 2010

when is anything ever enough

if we talk in circles it will be around the almost truth

if we talk anymore we will have worn out our tongues

if we die tonight we would die in peace

or would it just be a truce from that war you're always fighting?

it'll never be resolved. i will never love you back.

but if we pretend that we love each other the same amount

and if we pretend that the past doesn't matter

and we pretend you're a good person

if we can go on with our lives being okay with pretending

that's enough, right?

Thursday, 27 May 2010

Dear Mr Anon

"This is going to sound like a pretty random comment but hey, such is life. I stumbled across your page a while ago and the way you think has captivated me. I can see that you have a complex and interesting mind, on top of which you have your beauty. The question that I cant understand is how are you single? On which note I must also ask (if it isnt too personal) what do you look for in a guy? What would be your ideal guy?"

This comment I loved, so I'm going to take great care in answering it. So much care infact it's a blog post - feel special.

Okay so first question: Why am I single?
Because I destroy every relationship I have, and also hold a reputation which puts other guys off of me. Simple enough, really.

What do I look for in a guy?
This is a hard one. A good taste in music, I like to have someone I can talk to about stuff like that. But I don't want them to have such an intense knowledge about everything - I don't like to feeling inadquete to someone. I'd like them to be attractive, but not in an obvious way. Good personal hygiene I would prefer, even if it's not returned on my part. A nice bit of muscle but not obsessive amounts. Is an absolute charmer, I'm a sucker for that sort of thing. Will put me in my place when the time calls for it, but doesn't belittle or patronize me. Is good in alien social situations, making a good impression on my family is an absolute must. Also, if he doesn't laugh at my jokes he's definitely out. Someone who loves me just as much as I do them. I don't want people to love me more, that's when it doesn't work.

What would be my ideal guy?
Someone interesting but normal and lovely and attractive and has nice hugs. I actually don't know yet if I'm totally honest.

But all in all, I loved that comment. It really made my day. So thank you.


Oh my days I have cleaned the downstairs of this house and I quite frankly feel like a domestic goddess. Right now I have a pile of papers across the room from me staring me out as it knows I have to waft through it soon and do this thing called revision. I had a lovely night last night, it involved running around my kitchen table, all entirely sober, singing to Shaina Twain and Wham. It was fantastic. And Mummy March, Jezza and I took refuge in your bed. I hope you don't mind too much. This is a completely pointless blog post, well, all of them are pretty pointless really. What do I get out of writing to the Internet? Sore fingers and watery eyes mostly. Anywho, I can hear a bar of chocolate yearning for my lips as well as a cigarette.

Both of which are more important than you. Maybe.

P.S I just laughed for a good 10 minutes at this:

Monday, 24 May 2010

care less.

i am posting this on my blog as i would like unbaised opinions and i need to know if i'm just being a git here. i apologize for the public enormity of this in advance, but it's late and my brain is at it's busiest.

kay if say i'm worried about someone, but they're totally not in a place to see that they're potentially fucking up big time. and it's not really my place to say anything now, how do i tell them that they're going somewhere i really don't want them to go? without them getting defensive, running away from the issue and disliking me for bringing it up, especially when i've pushed away help from them before.

but it's not really serious the issue

but it could turn that way

and i really don't agree with what they're doing at all, and they could end up losing me, and a hell of a lot of others if they carry on, and im not in a position to say anything because i've done the same things, so it just sounds entirely hypocritical.

what. do. i. do?

Saturday, 22 May 2010

have i told you i ache for you?

the gate that i shut, last time i got hurt, seems to have opened itself.

Thursday, 20 May 2010

And 66 songs later.

I've just downloaded Slow Club's album, and I've decided I want everyone to learn all the lyrics to this song and we're going to play it at the next party.

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

i don't know what i want. that's the problem i've decided. and i'm willing to hurt anyone on my way to finding what it is that i want. i tell myself i don't believe in love, but then i look at happy couples and definitely wish i was them. i also tell myself that i want to be an actress, but i really don't think i have any where near enough talent to get far at all. i'm going to fail all my AS's, that's a given. uhhhh i just wish i didn't have to make things so complicated for myself.

i am in such a weird mood tonight, i'm going to put this song on repeat and lay on my floor. film studies can wait.

Monday, 17 May 2010

Film me.

I have fallen in love. With a film, that is. But it's the closest I'll ever get to love so I'll take it. So I've decided to make a blog recommending my top five favourite films, and I would like you (whoever you are) to watch them because they've completely changed my life as ridiculous as that sounds. Basically, if I have experiences that are even close to the ones in these films then my life would be entirely worth it. You will be able to find them all on .Okay, so here it goes.

1. Dead Poets Society:
A film about and english teacher entirely inspiring his students, and possibly one of the greatest films Robin Williams has ever done. It made me want to study English for the rest of my life basically.

2. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly:
One of the most beautiful films I have ever watched. Period.

3. Unmade Beds:
A story about two people living in the same house but only meeting once. It made me fall in love with love again.

4. Good Will Hunting:
Most of you will have already seen this, but it's so incredibly sad but so amazing at the same time. Again another fantastic performance by Robin Williams. Why aren't we related?!

5. History Boys:
I'm going to let the trailer speak for itself.

Saturday, 15 May 2010

It's a Saturday. And I'm grounded folks, GET IN! Funnily enough I'm quite happy to be grounded, it gives me and excuse to sit in my bed all day festering in my own dirt and also possibly an incentive to do revision. I have got to watch six films over by Wednesday, with a General Exam stuck in there somewhere. Oh jesus christ when did I start getting so old? I can't be old, this is terrifying. Me, alex march, actually making decisions for herself and trying to make a living? I mean, what the fuck? I need to put my brain in a microwave or something to make it work properly, or I'm seriously going to be in this exact same position in ten years trying to make some money off of my incredible wit. Or not.

Anyway, lets make this post worth your reading time. Actually let's not, I want to go have a cigarette. I apologize that you're being replaced by nicotine but what you gonna do. Here's a song:

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Dear a lot of people I know.

Would you kindly keep your closed minded and ignorant opinions to yourself, you never know who you might be offending. That is all.

Tuesday, 11 May 2010



Wow. Who new? I'm sat in my mumma's bed starting at my dog and coughing up my lungs. Yet I am happy. I am watching the film "What's Eating Gilbert Grape." It's got Johnny Depp in it and Leonardo Dicaprio, it's a 1993 film directed by Lasse Hallstrom. It's fantastic and I've seen it before but oh my days I love it way too much to only watch once. Another film I love is Garden State, directed, written and stared in by Zach Braff (the love of my life.) So watch both these films please if you want to be my friend.

I've recently got formspring back, jesus christ it's the biggest pile of tard I've ever seen in my life but for some reason I get some sick, saddistic pleasure out of the abuse I get and not enough reassurance from the compliments. But hey, that's what being an insecure teenager is all about right? But anyway fellow bloggers, here's the link to it if you fancy finding some things out about me:

So I'm going to go back to watching films and sleeping (best day off EVER) and I'm going to leave you with a song. If you can work out how to work the website that it is on, kudos, took me about five years. (basically you type in the code, click download mp3 then click play. you don't actually download it so it's not illegal innet)

ALSO didn't realise I got so many comments on this blog - thank you for them, I'm sorry I didn't reply I just didn't realise I got them! But keep 'em coming, it's nice to know my dull rants don't go un noticed. But yes, song, here it is. Toodle-do frands of the internet x

Monday, 10 May 2010


(this is not autobiographical, i just wrote it.)

you can hear everyone rushing around as fast as the blood rushing in your head. up and down up and down. but are you really enjoying this? you just learnt his name and learnt nothing else but the feel of his hands across your skin make you feel loved - just for a brief second - but then it's gone. you want and wish to feel some sort of feeling again, whether it's intense pain or excruciating happiness, it's there. but no, the dull ache consumes you as he finishes and then so do you. you're finished. as you lay in the bath you soak up the feeling that things will be alright for you, one day. but today is not that day. maybe tomorrow. let's make better mistakes tomorrow.

Friday, 23 April 2010


none of you read this so here's a rant. i literally feel sick with pain. and it fucking frustrates me that people think that i'm in the wrong yet don't have the nerve to say it to my face. yes, i understand if you think what i'm doing is wrong but forgive me if i'm just trying to be myself. i cannot please everyone. so if any of you have any smarter ideas, please, throw them my way because i'm obviously fucking up big time if you all feel it's okay to talk about me so much behind my back.

i am so angry, so embarrassed, so guilty and so fucking lonely. i thought i'd be making myself happier by taking that action when all it has done is rip my fucking life apart.

this will be deleted in due course but i have no one to talk to about this who genuinely cares, so i'm blogging it.

Today has been a disgusting day.

And I would like to do a big fat apology to everyone I've hurt, as that seems to be a lot. But don't worry I have certainly got a very deflated ego and a terrible sense of guilt that will not be forgotten for a while.

I don't know what else to say.

Saturday, 17 April 2010

What happens when you run out of things to talk about?

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Thursday, 8 April 2010

no title for today

Today felt as if someone taken every organ of mine out of my body, put them in a blender, then made me watch as they poured the remains down a drain.

I am now officialy cold and empty. Well done.

Friday, 2 April 2010

What the devil?

So I am possibly still in bed and I don't have the energy to get up, which sucks cause I think I actually need to do stuff today. I'm excited for this Easter, and especially tomorrow and I need a drink of water. Here's a couple of things I thought you'd like to know:

- I spend an hour the other evening watching Friends outakes and have never laughed so much in my life.

- I'm slowly but surely dragging myself out of a rut and it's feeling good.

- I have stopped eating as many beans.

- Poopy.

- Oh yeah, and...

Good day.

Saturday, 27 March 2010

(i lied)

I am making a lot of mistakes recently, I'm not going to bore you with them cause I know people actually read my blog now and I doubt any of you want to hear about the dull goings on of my life. Anywho, it's putting me in a bad mood. I don't know where I'm with this but since I've got home my time has consisted of bad naps, worse movies and cold food. The next post will be more...cheery. Here's a nice picture.

Friday, 26 March 2010

Thursday, 25 March 2010

this doesn't warrant a title

You know they say you should write when you feel you're at the height of your emotions? Yeah, well...I WANT TO SMASH YOUR FUGLY HEAD IN WITH A BAT. What right do you think you have to speak about me in such a way? I guess karma had a little to do with it but you have never been nice to me so I do not care what I say about you. I have been perfectly fake to your face therefore you have no reason to act like such a child about things. Oh and also, just because I have to give up some of my controlling behaviour does that mean you have to take on that role? Stop thinking you have the upper hand, you will never get the upper hand when it comes to our relationship so stop kidding yourself that it will. I AM SO ANNOYED AT WAY TOO MANY THINGS. Oh yeah and you - let me fucking breathe would you? I'm suffocating here. You couldn't give two shits about anything to do with me so I don't think you're even worth mentioning. And the person who lies to me constantly? Tell me what to do because I'm really at a loss as to whether I can keep you close or not. You guys, I know you talk about me constantly behind my back and you know I couldn't care less about it, so go ahead and do it to my face. Then at least you know it'll cause some damage. And you. Oh god, you. Thank you for leaving me like this. One less burden for you to fucking hold. FUCK. YOU.

Sunday, 21 March 2010

This is incredible, listen to it before you go to bed tonight. I'd like to believe the boy who showed me this meant every word of this song. Even though he didn't.


I watched 500 Days of Summer again the other evening, and I know it's meant to make you believe in love and all that stuff but it really does the opposite to me. I really am starting to lose faith in the whole 'love' idea. I mean, yes you can have a strong attachment to someone, but really when it comes down to it it's just sex and security, right? If you're seeing someone and not being intimate with them and you're not official, can you fall in love with them? Love is mostly the basics dressed in pretty decorations and sweet things to draw you in, and once your in, you just get comfortable. I have yet to see anyone truely in love. Just, comfortable.

And it's making me think I don't ever want to be comfortable. I don't want to be with someone because it makes me feel safe. I want the love they show us in films because that seems a hell of a lot more fun then feeling entirely vulnerable.

I'm going to go dye my hair, goodnight cyber world.


This weekend has been a nice weekend. All of the March's are back in one place, and it was nice as we felt like a real family again. Not a fragmented one who only saw eachother on weekends. I bought some new clothes and hair dye, I need to feel fresh every now and again. This is going to be a complete unpoetic and empty post because it seems that I have forgotten how to write anything remotely meaningful. I just wanted to let you guys know that I've had a nice weekend, and I haven't been apart from my family for the majority of it. Who knew having fun could be done without spending every waking second with your friends? Don't take offence, I do love you guys obviously and I would probably be a weird bag lady by now without you guys but still, MARCHLIFE FOR LIFE. I guess that's it. Sorry if after reading this you felt like you've wasted valuable seconds, or minutes if you're a slow reader, off of your life.


Friday, 19 March 2010

A disgarded draft I wish I'd never written.

i used to fear you'll be the only one who will never truely find yourself, you'll shatter into no more than a few peices and never find any of them again. you will have so many faces you will forget which one i liked the most. i tried to save you once and twice and thrice and never. soon you won't be able to fill my sentences anymore. i can't see you under all that make up. i can't see you anymore. i can't like you. you are so broken to everyone . you're so dead.

i now fear i will never be able to erase you, or the fact i couldn't save you from my memory.

i hate you for this.

Alas, she's returned.

It's okay kids, I've returned. For the second time. The reason for this is due to an imploding chest, a melting brain and a disintegrating body I have reached the height of bordem, and blogging and The Sims 3 are the only two past times that are enticing me. I would rant about something or other but honestly right now nothing is getting on my nerves, apart from the lack of food in this bloody house and how tidy my room is. In comparison to my other blog, which is possibly the most pretentious thing I've ever encountered, this blog is going to stay very much the same; this is because a bit of normalcy is going to do me some good. How are we today? Bring me some petit filous and babybels and we can be friends.