Sunday, 21 November 2010
Sunday, 10 October 2010
"why are you such a good person? fuck you just there and listened every time i was being a self indulgent cunt and you were so happy to let me go on and on. the thing is i knew you understood what ever i said, cause i swear you knew me way better than i ever could. we both know i pushed you away every chance i could but you stayed and you never left. you were, sorry i mean are, the only person that has stuck around. you accept me (the jumble of faults that i am) and still love me anyway. i can't believe i have taken you for granted for so long? fuck, why did you let me take you for granted so much?"
anyway, i know you read this blog and i just want you to know that i miss you and love you and i will thank you one day. when i have enough balls to.
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Monday, 6 September 2010
- Juliet Price and Hannah Mcmillan pretty much living at my house.
- Catching up with old friends
- Bananas and transformers
- These college necklace things we've got going on
- My lack of interest in relationships
- My teddy bear
- My hair (it's gone fantastically gingerish)
- And finally, sex and the city.
there's a much bigger list of bad things but i don't think i should look at them because THAT'S WHAT MAKES PEOPLE SAD. and i don't wanna be one of those sad kids who indulge in their own self repulsion thank you very much.
Friday, 3 September 2010
Friday, 27 August 2010
P.S srsly stop wearing so much topshop you look like kate gash and that's never a good thing
Thursday, 26 August 2010
So I've deleted tumblr and decided to come crawling back to blogger - tumblr was over crowded and full of people that simply bored me. So it's back to writing meaningless and uneducated rants and hoping that somebody, somewhere, agrees with what I say.
I've just been on holiday to Deia, and it was absolutely incredible. I've been having a lot of these moments recently, where I'm just estatically happy with the people I'm with the and the places I am and I compare it back to the dull days of Winchester and have realised that I cannot wait to get out.
But this proposes a problem; just exactly how am I meant to get out? This is where actually doing my college work comes in, stopping smoking, one night out a week, THE LOT. I've finally sorted out my priorities - and hopefully this way I won't be such a royal fuck up within the social aspect of my life. Fingers crossed, eh?
So if you're one of the few that don't hate me at this point of my life, hello and welcome to me. I'm off to go pee and various other things, I may have a bath but that's pushing it. I still have the spanish and aeroplane smell on me. Beautiful. By the way when I travel the world Deia is going to be my first stop, come with me?
Saturday, 19 June 2010
Monday, 14 June 2010
Sunday, 13 June 2010
if i could blow out a candle and make one wish, it would be for us to be okay again. i really am truly sorry for all of my actions, my mistakes, my leading you on, and most of all making you feel something i promised myself i wouldn't let anyone ever have to feel. you need to realise this, before any real friendship can be reformed. i hope to god you read this and forgive me. but don't worry, i'm not expecting you to forget.
1. i've realised that no one is really original with their own thoughts or feelings, every one is just human and following some form of trend or something of the sort. so it's time for me to stop building people up into people they are not - it only destroys the friendships i make.
2. i have realised i am taking things way too seriously, and investing too much into things that normally wouldn't take a second thought. i still want to care about things obviously, but sometimes it is good caring a little less.
3. i am all too aware of peoples faults as well as my own. time to start focusing on the positive aspects of life. like tea, or weekends like this.
4. i've been neglecting the friends that are the ones who are going to be there when it comes down to it. i am sorry for that, as of now i am going to be making more effort. i just needed to sort out my head before i let you guys have a look in.
5. i need to start applying myself, if i want to get anywhere only i can make that happen - it's time to start networking and understanding that i can actually do things. ye of little faith.
this time next year i hope to be getting far with everything, have good grades and good attendance, solid friendships and feel as happy as i do now. the start of A2 = the new beginning we've all been craving.
Thursday, 10 June 2010
Wednesday, 9 June 2010
i've decided i actually like this one so i'm staying. i just watched the first episode of the last big brother (i know i'm so mainstream it hurts), and i only just realised it abolished all my future dreams of going on that show. i am deeply upset. so i'm compensating my lack of appearance on a reality tv show with eating mini rolls. i kinda prefer the mini rolls.
anyway, today i have decided i've really missed having a life. even though i would prefer a life without certain aspects involved in it, but hey, beggers can't be choosers right? i have realised every body has got themselves into a rut recently and it's bloody well stupid - people are worried because we all have no fucking direction at the moment but do you know what? I DON'T CARE. i'm sick to the back AND front teeth of thinking about my 'future' and 'where i'm going'. right now, quite frankly, i'd be happy to sit here for the rest of my life pigging out on junk food and tea.
so basically this is a message to all the people who are losing themselves right now: be normal, stop fucking up, and realise i love you, and we need to all buck our ideas up if we're going to get through the next year happy. so stop wallowing in your own self pity, grow some hefty balls AND MAN THE FUCK UP!
WHO'S WITH ME?
p.s i don't like your blog
Monday, 7 June 2010
Sunday, 6 June 2010
if we talk in circles it will be around the almost truth
if we talk anymore we will have worn out our tongues
if we die tonight we would die in peace
or would it just be a truce from that war you're always fighting?
it'll never be resolved. i will never love you back.
but if we pretend that we love each other the same amount
and if we pretend that the past doesn't matter
and we pretend you're a good person
if we can go on with our lives being okay with pretending
that's enough, right?
Thursday, 27 May 2010
This comment I loved, so I'm going to take great care in answering it. So much care infact it's a blog post - feel special.
Okay so first question: Why am I single?
Because I destroy every relationship I have, and also hold a reputation which puts other guys off of me. Simple enough, really.
What do I look for in a guy?
This is a hard one. A good taste in music, I like to have someone I can talk to about stuff like that. But I don't want them to have such an intense knowledge about everything - I don't like to feeling inadquete to someone. I'd like them to be attractive, but not in an obvious way. Good personal hygiene I would prefer, even if it's not returned on my part. A nice bit of muscle but not obsessive amounts. Is an absolute charmer, I'm a sucker for that sort of thing. Will put me in my place when the time calls for it, but doesn't belittle or patronize me. Is good in alien social situations, making a good impression on my family is an absolute must. Also, if he doesn't laugh at my jokes he's definitely out. Someone who loves me just as much as I do them. I don't want people to love me more, that's when it doesn't work.
What would be my ideal guy?
Someone interesting but normal and lovely and attractive and has nice hugs. I actually don't know yet if I'm totally honest.
But all in all, I loved that comment. It really made my day. So thank you.
Both of which are more important than you. Maybe.
P.S I just laughed for a good 10 minutes at this:
Monday, 24 May 2010
kay if say i'm worried about someone, but they're totally not in a place to see that they're potentially fucking up big time. and it's not really my place to say anything now, how do i tell them that they're going somewhere i really don't want them to go? without them getting defensive, running away from the issue and disliking me for bringing it up, especially when i've pushed away help from them before.
but it's not really serious the issue
but it could turn that wayand i really don't agree with what they're doing at all, and they could end up losing me, and a hell of a lot of others if they carry on, and im not in a position to say anything because i've done the same things, so it just sounds entirely hypocritical.
what. do. i. do?
Saturday, 22 May 2010
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
i am in such a weird mood tonight, i'm going to put this song on repeat and lay on my floor. film studies can wait.
Monday, 17 May 2010
1. Dead Poets Society: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvt5pxrofS4
A film about and english teacher entirely inspiring his students, and possibly one of the greatest films Robin Williams has ever done. It made me want to study English for the rest of my life basically.
2. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G69Zh7YIg8c
One of the most beautiful films I have ever watched. Period.
3. Unmade Beds: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZA1iM5XcOwQ
A story about two people living in the same house but only meeting once. It made me fall in love with love again.
4. Good Will Hunting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z02M3NRtkAA
Most of you will have already seen this, but it's so incredibly sad but so amazing at the same time. Again another fantastic performance by Robin Williams. Why aren't we related?!
5. History Boys: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45OsKkHhv90
I'm going to let the trailer speak for itself.
Saturday, 15 May 2010
It's a Saturday. And I'm grounded folks, GET IN! Funnily enough I'm quite happy to be grounded, it gives me and excuse to sit in my bed all day festering in my own dirt and also possibly an incentive to do revision. I have got to watch six films over by Wednesday, with a General Exam stuck in there somewhere. Oh jesus christ when did I start getting so old? I can't be old, this is terrifying. Me, alex march, actually making decisions for herself and trying to make a living? I mean, what the fuck? I need to put my brain in a microwave or something to make it work properly, or I'm seriously going to be in this exact same position in ten years trying to make some money off of my incredible wit. Or not.
Anyway, lets make this post worth your reading time. Actually let's not, I want to go have a cigarette. I apologize that you're being replaced by nicotine but what you gonna do. Here's a song:
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
Tuesday, 11 May 2010
I've recently got formspring back, jesus christ it's the biggest pile of tard I've ever seen in my life but for some reason I get some sick, saddistic pleasure out of the abuse I get and not enough reassurance from the compliments. But hey, that's what being an insecure teenager is all about right? But anyway fellow bloggers, here's the link to it if you fancy finding some things out about me: www.formspring.me/alexrmarch
So I'm going to go back to watching films and sleeping (best day off EVER) and I'm going to leave you with a song. If you can work out how to work the website that it is on, kudos, took me about five years. (basically you type in the code, click download mp3 then click play. you don't actually download it so it's not illegal innet)
ALSO didn't realise I got so many comments on this blog - thank you for them, I'm sorry I didn't reply I just didn't realise I got them! But keep 'em coming, it's nice to know my dull rants don't go un noticed. But yes, song, here it is. Toodle-do frands of the internet x
Monday, 10 May 2010
you can hear everyone rushing around as fast as the blood rushing in your head. up and down up and down. but are you really enjoying this? you just learnt his name and learnt nothing else but the feel of his hands across your skin make you feel loved - just for a brief second - but then it's gone. you want and wish to feel some sort of feeling again, whether it's intense pain or excruciating happiness, it's there. but no, the dull ache consumes you as he finishes and then so do you. you're finished. as you lay in the bath you soak up the feeling that things will be alright for you, one day. but today is not that day. maybe tomorrow. let's make better mistakes tomorrow.
Friday, 23 April 2010
i am so angry, so embarrassed, so guilty and so fucking lonely. i thought i'd be making myself happier by taking that action when all it has done is rip my fucking life apart.
this will be deleted in due course but i have no one to talk to about this who genuinely cares, so i'm blogging it.
I don't know what else to say.
Saturday, 17 April 2010
Thursday, 8 April 2010
Friday, 2 April 2010
- I spend an hour the other evening watching Friends outakes and have never laughed so much in my life.
- I'm slowly but surely dragging myself out of a rut and it's feeling good.
- I have stopped eating as many beans.
- Oh yeah, and...
Saturday, 27 March 2010
I am making a lot of mistakes recently, I'm not going to bore you with them cause I know people actually read my blog now and I doubt any of you want to hear about the dull goings on of my life. Anywho, it's putting me in a bad mood. I don't know where I'm with this but since I've got home my time has consisted of bad naps, worse movies and cold food. The next post will be more...cheery. Here's a nice picture.
Thursday, 25 March 2010
Sunday, 21 March 2010
And it's making me think I don't ever want to be comfortable. I don't want to be with someone because it makes me feel safe. I want the love they show us in films because that seems a hell of a lot more fun then feeling entirely vulnerable.
I'm going to go dye my hair, goodnight cyber world.
TARAH I'M OFF TO PARA YAH x
Friday, 19 March 2010
i now fear i will never be able to erase you, or the fact i couldn't save you from my memory.
i hate you for this.
It's okay kids, I've returned. For the second time. The reason for this is due to an imploding chest, a melting brain and a disintegrating body I have reached the height of bordem, and blogging and The Sims 3 are the only two past times that are enticing me. I would rant about something or other but honestly right now nothing is getting on my nerves, apart from the lack of food in this bloody house and how tidy my room is. In comparison to my other blog, which is possibly the most pretentious thing I've ever encountered, this blog is going to stay very much the same; this is because a bit of normalcy is going to do me some good. How are we today? Bring me some petit filous and babybels and we can be friends.