Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Happy Christmas.

I'm undecided about this one. Yes I'm a scruge get over it, I just don't like being alone.

Pour me another glass of Christmas - I'm nowhere near satisfied yet. The ever growing necessity to be a child again isn't quite dampened yet. The innocence and niavety aren't gone. You haven't taken me, yet.

Let me feel the burn as I let you blur my vision. Fill my glass up to the brim.
Never let me become empty.

Then I'll smile, whisper a sweet thank you accompained by a cheeky wink and wish you a merry Christmas. I raise my glass to you.
"Christmas is a lonely time," I say "but I'm sure it'll be a happy one in my case." Winking again, I take a gulp - has it taken me yet? I shake my head and mutter to myself,
"After all, my glass will always be half full. I'll never become empty."

Sunday, 14 December 2008


kcab kool t'nod


Sorry I've wrote practically nothing lately, I've been completely blank. Paris in a week, I'll be writing a lot of stuff when I get back; I'm taking my little Paris XVI notebook with me!
I wrote this with my best friends in mind, just after I realised how similar they were to me. I'm sorry for being so self-involved lately, I vow to be a better friend then what you've been used to over the past year. That's a promise!

And so she cried. For the all of insults once thrown at her, for old friendships she'd personally sabotaged and future relationships she know she'd ruin. She cried for the slow realisation that she was destined to be one of the many few who would not obtain her 'happy ever after'.
But most of all, she cried for you.

Thursday, 27 November 2008


What happens when you realise something you want, that will quite simply ruin all of your plans?

Because really, I'm completey stuck now.

"A recent friend of mine I met in hospital buys paper-back books and tears out each page as he finishes reading it, so that when he next opens the book he will always be on the right page. Seems to me my life is a lot like that. And no matter how much I might want to revisit a past page, a previous chapter, to re-read it, to re-write it, I can't. It's dead and gone. And now my book has so few pages ahead and a yawning gap behind. So many things I would say, so many things I wouldn't say. So many things I would do differently. And so many of them revolve around you..."

Monday, 24 November 2008

Shyness - a fault or a virtue?

Here is something I'm struggling to understand, and I suppose due to me being my over-confident and attention seeking self, my not being able to get my head around it is quite inevitable. I've never been able to see shyness as 'sweet' or a good quality, I've always seen it as a hard nut to crack, a bloody mission, if you will. I think that's why really timid people find it hard to adjust to my ridiculously exuberant personality. So here's some advice about me, be shy by all means, but if you are part of my life, expect to have the shyness beaten out of you. If you don't like this, frankly, we won't get on.
Here's the irony though, after saying all this, really, I'm possibly one of the shyest people you'll meet. I just do a good job of covering it up.

I like this:
"Poets often describe love as an emotion that we can't control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. That's what it was like for me. I didn't plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has happened only once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it."

A coming of age?

So you're another year older and in all honesty, what have you acheived? You'll soon start realising the truth - you simply feel no different to how you did before.
And so the questions start: A year older or a year wasted? What is there now to look forward to? What do you have to fear? You're scared of the unknown and becoming increasingly terrified for the future; from now on no mistakes, I'm staying 16 forever.
Hello new blog and hello new start, you're going to be stuck with me for a while.